Monkey In The Middle...

It's July 6th 2016 and the kids are home for the summer. Usually that means I have no time to myself , no time to blog or anything other then being a Mom- a Chauffeur , an entertainer etc. Since the hubby, so kindly took the kids to the dentist today and I have had this sitting with me for several days now, I finally get the chance to write this blog. Thank You hubby!!!

More often then not, I seem to write blogs around the oldest for all of his accomplishments despite the years of being told "he can't " or " he never will" Sometimes, I find myself writing blogs in regards to the youngest and more often then not, the Monkey in the Middle falls through the cracks.

My Monkey in the middle was born on November 26th 2003. The day before Thanksgiving. Therefor I should referred to him as the "Turkey" instead of the Monkey but he is the middle so Monkey in the middle sounds better. He came into this world fast! From getting to the hospital to him being born, a short 45 minutes elapsed. With a Birth Weight of 7 lbs , 15 oz and a whopping 21.5 inches long he came into the world, screaming louder then anyone but with the bluest of eyes.....

As I sit here and try to find the right words to explain him , I am actually struggling for the words . Not because I couldn't explain him in a million words but because I don't want to sound like a horrible Mom when I say I seriously have cursed him a "few" times for the troubles he has gotten into or for the 10 pairs of shoes I had to buy him in one year because he managed to break them all within a week or 5 weeks, not to mention the jeans that always were ripped or torn or the shirts that always were covered in stains, or the times he tried so hard that it was annoying to be a center of attention but you know for many many years he would have been the perfect poster kid for "Middle Child Syndrome" - god's honest truth.He also is crazy as can be and can dance through the house , singing on the top of his lungs or swing by a chandelier - if we had one that is. Besides that, it is believed that he has ADHD and was supposed to be put on medication. Personally, I didn't want him on ADD/ ADHD medication because I have seen kids on the medications that are out there and if the medication isn't at just the right dosage, you take away from their personality and turn them into well functioning robots, with a beating heart. Eric is a clown, a silly , gone wild personality is stuck within him and I didn't want to take that away. I want him happy without any side affects from medications and I know he is super smart and with adjusting some things, he too can achieve great things without the medication....

I remember the first time I got to meet Heather Danner for a photo shoot and her looking at him and calling him Dennis the Menace! She didn't know us no 10 minutes but just by looking at Eric , she knew that's truly who he is / or was "Dennis The Menace" .

I can't tell you how many times I said "Eric, I am going to kill you" but when he was at his friends house for a play date or a birthday party , etc. I always had parents tell me what a wonderful child he is, how well behaved he was and his manner out shinned everything. I often wanted to ask them if they were talking about my Eric and if they are sure they didn't mix him up with a different child but at the same time, I was proud beyond words that I could let him go and not worry what kind of trouble he would get into. I always knew he had a good heart in him and always knew he was a good kid but the last couple of years, the heart of gold he carries within him, has shown out more then ever.

It started in 4th grade... He was to perform the National Anthem with his 4th Grade Class at a Riversharks game ( now a days they are long gone) After a long back and forth , between work issues and the other kids, it ended out that Dad would go with him. Eric was just so excited to go and being able to perform and sit and watch the game. However, Mom forgot a big detail... Fireworks. They always had huge Firework displays at the River Sharks games and I totally dropped the bomb by forgetting. I know to most , Firework displays are a great thing but for my husband, its one of the worst, trigger for PTSD due to combat experience.For all those years prior , I always did whatever I could to protect my kids from seeing what can happen when he is triggered - not that I always managed that perfectly but that's not here or there - it was the first time, that Eric truly understood what goes on, he got the full force of his dad being in the stage of triggered PTSD and no mom around who would take care of things, send them to their rooms or take them away. He was hit full force by The Beast we call PTSD.

This went even further, when they came home that night my husband told me that he had a bad experience. All he had to say was Fireworks and I knew. However it took the little guy a few days before he finally talked to me about it, like it had to settle, he had to have time to process it before he could come and talk to me. Instead of screaming and yelling at me for putting him into this situation , for not protecting him - and yes, I feel like he had every right to do so - he just sat calmly with me and said "Mom, I am so so sorry that I made Dad go with me, I am so sorry for putting him into this situation and make things worse for him" .... We are talking a 10 year old boy, a kid who just wanted to be a part of this moment in time, a moment he may never have the chance to experience again. I felt severe anger at myself. I should have known, I should have remembered, I should have protected my child from "The Beast" taking a bite out of him now too. I felt sorrow and hatred against myself and I questioned what kind of terrible mom I was once again. Looking back at it, I would have done things differently but at the same time, hearing the words instead of him screaming and yelling at me , that he would have rather missed out on performing then seeing his dad having to go through the anguish , still sits deeply with me.

Now let's go forward a few years, about 2 years ago, when he didn't have his own cell phone yet and was going around the neighborhood, trying to get together with other kids and play, I went looking for him and instead of finding him somewhere with his friend, he was at a neighbors house raking leaves. Now mind you, Ms. Josephine was 82 years old at the time, outside raking some of the leaves up when my Eric came around , saw her doing it and told her that she should sit down and take a break and she would do it for him. When I came around Ms. Josephine was telling him , she was going to pay him for the work and I heard my kid saying he wouldn't take money from her. As I stopped and talked to her, she again told me she wanted to pay him for the work but that he refused taking money from her. All I could say to her was it's what he wants to do and what he feels is the right thing to do and if he won't let her pay him then that's how it was going to be. I was proud - very very proud of my boy!

Mainly , through the last year, he truly has found his "place" more or less. He still is as crazy as ever and he still gets into a lot of trouble because he is just a social butterfly with a twinge of "oh a shiny toy" .He still struggles with some of his "craziness" and we all are working strongly on ways to control certain urges like rather Snapchat with your friends then doing homework but he still has the biggest heart of gold out there. Since the "firework dilemma", his sense of having to keep an eye on his dad has gotten really big. Whenever Eric hears fireworks, he comes and lets him know, or lets me know and kinda sticks around to make sure Dad will be ok. Recently, during the 4th of July Parades, all my guys participated at, gunshots were send off and from what I have been told Eric's head spun so fast, seeking his dad's eyes and making sure he was ok. It melted my heart hearing this.

He has talked to me about different kids and just listening to him , the way he talks about them and tells me how some of his friends are being made fun off for different reasons, how he still would never walk away from them, or make fun of them, melts my heart. He truly cares. about the people he calls his "friends" and the friendships mean the world to him. He never looks at people and judges them by the way they look the clothing they wear, or the house they live in but he judges them by their characters. He sees a girl shivering and he is the one who will pull his shirt off and hand it to her - quite a gentleman as well. Eric is a little playboy too, preteen hormones going array and every week he tells us about a new girlfriend he has. Oh my heart, yes the pride of his father and all this mom is thinking is I will be a grandma before I reach the age of 50. Yes, that certainly is a frightening thought! I hope we can swing that around and keep that from happening!

Besides all these things, Eric is a very gentle and sensitive soul. I have seen him heartbroken beyond words.

All and all thou, no matter what, he is a great great kid and I hope that forever, he will keep this heart of gold within him.....